Perfection.

My friend Shelly sent me a link to a mother's blog discussing that the mother is not a perfect mom. I am not a perfect mom either. I mess up a lot. I am constantly reviewing other mothers to see if what they are doing works for them. Then, I give it a go.



My list of imperfections....

1. Sleep training or not. Poor Miles is so conflicted. Sometimes I work with him to fall asleep on his own, then other days (especially work days), I miss him so much that I hold him way after he has fallen asleep in my arms. I know he is my last and I can't seem to put him down. He smells so sweet and is so cuddly. I am sending a conflicting message here I know.

2. I am not organized. I keep already made cans of formula in my trunk with a clean bottle. There are so many times I have forgotten milk for my poor baby and ended up running to the store to buy a bottle and formula. Now I know to just stay stocked.

3. I laugh at Grant when he gets all worked up. It hurts his feelings but when he tells me about how hard his day was with school and he is too tired to help me...I just start laughing..And he starts crying and that makes me laugh harder. I know that in his mind his life is hard but he has no idea about being tired.

4. I never believe Grant when he says he is sick. He has been sick so infrequent but has pretended that he is sick on numerous occasions. When he really does end up being sick, I feel so guilty.

5. I can't seem to let go - from work or chores... it is always in the back of mind that I have something to do and once I do it, then we can do something fun. This means we never do anything fun. I miss out on playing games with Grant or teaching him to ride his bike.

6. I left the door open to my house once while I was packing to go on vacation. Grant fell down the stairs - hard plaster stairs. I left the door open to the basement at my sister's house. Grant fell down her stairs too.

7. I keep forgetting the date Miles was born. I can recall it but it takes some time.

8. Because of my time constraints on myself, I don't let Grant do extra-curricular activities. So far, he hasn't seemed to care.

9. I have horrible headaches that Grant sees. I try to work through them but at some point I might end up on the couch with a hot washcloth on my head and the TV on for him. Grant is always asking me if I have headache. I hate this.

10. I can't stop kissing Grant even when he is around kids his own age and he is trying to act so cool. I know I embarrass him.

11. I gave up on breastfeeding with Miles when he was a champion nurser. I let postpartum anxiety get the best of me. When we spend nights in the hospital, I am reminded of my failure.

I am not perfect by any means. I see so many moms who seem to have it together but I know that is not me. While I am not perfect, I love my boys very much and hope that my love will make up for my imperfections. One thing is for certain, I love them so much that I feel like my heart will just burst.

Are you a perfect mom? Do you have mommy guilt?