Working Mother’s Guilt

Today, I went to pick up Grant from his last day of school before Christmas holidays. I was going through all his stuff and his teacher comes up to me.

She says, “You are here early.” I panicked. And I look around the room to try and gain my bearings. Did I get here too early? School is not over? She sees the panic and says “I meant you usually don’t pick up Grant from school, he usually goes to after school.”

I was freaking mortified. I wasn’t even sure about the time my son gets out of school. What kind of mother am I?

I happened to read this blog entry today: Stay at home mom or not?

I know how the woman feels. She feels left out. I get that. I also feel like my child is not picked to go to other kids’ homes for play dates. It is a code and I feel left out.

I go to the park…. and there are so many there that know each other. If I happen to be off work and at the playground on a weekday, I just might meet someone…Someone who my kid can play with their kid. We end up talking and then talking about the kids. And then as I walk away, she might say “I’ll see you next Tuesday (like I come here every Tuesday).” I reply, “I have to work but if you want to get together on a weekend that would good.” Some women say things like yeah maybe. Other say things like “well, we are pretty busy on weekends with my husband being home.”

I know. Weekends are busy. I of all people know that! I can’t get away much either. But I do want my child to have a playmate and be invited to a sleepover. I do want to be included on the ladies’ night out to get away from it all. I want to be around other women. I don’t get that at my work. I am around men all day long. It just isn’t the same as female companionship.

I also want to be around my kids more. They are growing up before I can blink. Some days I don’t even see Miles. Those miserable days that I work later. Work/balance is tough.

Now, I know there are some benefits to be a working mother.

• Routine…having a routine allows me to eat well and exercise… hard to do that as Stay At Home Mother.
• Sick days… even when I am at work sick… it is easier being sick at work than taking care of a child while being sick.
• Paycheck.. I make my own money that goes in my own account. It feels great to be financially independent.
• Cleaning… I can afford to have my house cleaned by someone else while I am at work (all rooms are cleaned at once).

Yes, there are benefits to working.. I get that.. But for me, there are more benefits being at home. (60-40)

• I have already done it with two 3 months maternity leave – I loved it.
• Participating in our community events. I never get to do that now.
• Helping Grant with homework (when that comes).
• Eating a real meal before 7… We can only do that if I cook a bunch on the weekend and eat it all week long.
• I could get to know my kids’ teachers.
• I could go to playgroups and play dates.
• I could stay up past 9 with a Stay at Home Mother’s schedule and even sleep in until 6:30..
• I could stop having migraines due to stress.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am one very lucky woman. I have the world. I am not living in poverty. I have a great husband and kids. I have great friends. I have a great job who has taken care of me when I was sick. The guys at my work have been good to me. I just would rather be at home.

I want to stop and smell the roses.