What Can you Do for a Woman on Bed Rest?

In my campaign for March of Dimes, I thought I would give a couple post about bed rest and premature babies. This one I am calling “So you know someone on bed rest at home, what can you do?” As someone that has been on bed rest and someone that has a sister on extended bed rest, I figured I could give you some insight.

1. Duh! First off, do not say stupid things like “you are so lucky, you get to lie around, sleep in, and you don’t have to work.” Bed rest is very stressful, lonely, and down right depressing! A woman on bed rest is a human incubator. Their only job is to lie around and bake their baby. Life has stopped for this woman. She has plenty of time to worry if she will make it to full term and have a healthy baby. While you are enjoying outdoors, this woman is sitting inside all by herself all day long. And if she has children, it is even worse. What child wants to sit with his mommy instead of playing outside, visiting their friends, going trick or treating, seeing Santa Claus, etc. etc? A woman on bed rest gets to hear the stories of her children enjoying life instead of seeing it first hand.
2. Offer to visit your bed rest friend. I know your life is busy but please take time to visit your friend. She is very lonely. Time is going by slow. Come over and spend 45 minutes playing a game. You will make her day. You will break up her day of lying around and make it go by faster. It will give her something new to think about for at least two days!
3. Offer to clean or straighten her house. Don’t take no for an answer. Being on bed rest with nothing to do, a women will start to notice every little cob web and dust bunny. It will drive her batty! She can’t do anything about it but stare at it. Try to make her environment pleasant. Her husband is trying to take care of the house and spend some time with her. He doesn’t have the time to take up all the slack. She will feel guilty about you cleaning her house for her but do it anyway. She will so appreciate it and it will give her something to do when she gets to write you the longest thank you note you have ever received! Something else other than baking to occupy her brain
4. Bring over food. A bed rest woman is hungry. Her husband is doing all he can to take up the slack in the household chores. He will cook when he can but if you can offer dinner every once and a while, you will make both of them very happy. My neighbors brought us food and it was so awesome. It gave my husband just a little more time to spend with me. Oh, if you do take food, don’t just drop it off at the door. I think my neighbors thought I was not feeling well so they would drop the food off with Daniel. Please come in for 5 minutes and say hi to the bed rest woman. It will brighten her day and make it go by just a little faster. Human interaction is important for a woman on bed rest. It makes her feel like she is part of the human race. She is not sick; she is just doing her best to keep her baby where it belongs. Don’t treat her like she is sick.
5. DON’T BUY PREEMIE CLOTHES! This is very important. Unless she asks for it, please do not buy preemie clothes! This will cause her to worry even more. She is doing all she can to not have a preemie. You have plenty of time to buy preemie clothes if the baby comes too early.
6. If you have any natural talent in cosmetology, offer it. If you can cut hair, offer to cut the bed rest woman’s hair. Those vitamins are making it grow so fast and sometimes a trim can do wonders in keeping it tidy – even while in bed. If you can do a pedicure, it will do wonders for the morale. Seeing pretty toe nails while in bed will brighten up almost any one’s day. Oh and eyebrows! If you have any waxing ability, I am sure your bed rest friend would love to get rid of the uni-brow! My sister attempted to wax my eyebrows. The first one she did a great job! The second one, OMG, she took my whole eyebrow! I knew something was wrong when she looked at me in horror and starting crying and laughing at the same time! She gave me a mirror and it looked bad but I didn’t care. At least, I didn’t have the uni-brow and it gave me something else to think about! I laughed over it for days! It isn’t like I was going on a hot date or something, I never left the house.
7. If the doctor gives permission, take your bed rest friend to Babies R US. Most Babies R Us have wheel chairs. You can wheel her around so that she can do a registry. I unfortunately wasn’t allowed to do this but not everyone on bed rest has to lie on their left side every day. Some are allowed to sit up.
8. Care packages… Think of things for a bored person to receive. Wrap each little piece so that it gives her something to do. Add in nuts, trail mix, dried fruit. Sometimes, a bed rest woman is waiting for her husband to bring food… she is starving… if she just had some nuts close to the bed, it would be so helpful. Add in slippers, bed jackets, robes, lotions etc. Make bed rest as pleasant as possible. Add a novel, puzzles, anything that will occupy her mind. She will even get to write you a thank you note! This will take time and she wants to do all that she can to use it! Oh, if you buy snack type food…. You might want to put it in small bags for her so she doesn’t eat it in one sitting. Don’t laugh but she is bored and pregnant. My friend Jill, god bless her, brought me my favorite -- a five pound bag of jelly belly jelly beans! Well, I was bored and hungry pretty much all the time so I ate the whole thing in the matter of 2 days. I kept trying different flavors together. It passed time. My baby was in super over drive, I was jittery from so much sugar but I kept still eating. My stomach hurt but it was so interesting to try pear and coffee or mango and coconut together. That is how I ate a 5 pound bag of jelly beans in 2 days!
9. If you don’t have time to visit, call. So what if you wake her, she can always go to sleep later. She doesn’t have to sleep when she can be spending time to talk to you. She can save sleep for later when she has nothing else to do.
10. Your bed rest friend is hurting…. What can you do? Yep, lying down all the time hurts like hell! You can either buy her or let her give you the money, but please help her be as comfortable as possible. The more comfortable she is, the more likely she will be good and stay in bed. Helpful things to have tempur-pedic mattress topper and/or a body pillow. You can also offer a massage. My friend Lena massaged my back while I was on hospital bed rest. It was great in making me feel more alive and less sore.
11. Recommend your friend to Sidelines. This non-profit group helps women who are side-lined (on bed rest). They have forums and articles and positive success stories. They also have chat rooms where bed rest women can talk to other bed rest women. Very therapeutic.
12. If the doctor will allow, throw her a baby shower. It is awesome to see everyone and get the things that are needed for the baby. Remember she is not sick, and she is still having a baby. Women who are having a baby get a shower. Don’t forget about your bed rest friend just because she is out of sight. If the doctor will not allow her to have a shower, throw an online baby shower for her. There is so much information online on how to throw one online.
13. Offer to buy essentials when she is getting closer to her date. If you are a mother, you will know what she really needs the first week or so when the baby comes home. Offer to do the shopping for her and billing her. She can’t walk through the store to get a feel of what is important. Make sure she has diapers, butt cream, soap, wipes, etc. Those are things that are often over looked at a shower and she will need them.
14. Last but not least, help with setting up the nursery. For some reason, we (women) think every thing has to be just right for when the baby comes. We think we need a fresh coat of paint, pictures on the wall, the crib set up, clothes washed and put away etc. Seasoned mothers know that the baby will sleep in your room for a while and they never care about your decorations. But don’t try telling a bed rest soon to be mom that. Just help her get her room ready. This will help her with stressing – thinking she is not ready.
    

Most important is that she gets some human interaction. Please consider her if you are trying to figure out something to do for the weekend and esp. during the week!