My Two Best Christmas Gifts...

I woke up today at 5:30 am with a headache - my constant companion. I probably would start worrying something was wrong with me if I stopped having them.

So I laid in my bed thinking of how quiet my house is... Last year on this same exact weekend before Christmas, I was also lying in my bed awake waiting for my house to wake up. But last year, I know I did not have a headache.... as I was lying there last year, I was trying to remember the last time I had a headache...it had been almost 8 days. I was also aggravated that my period had not come. I was ready to start a new year with a fresh start.

In case, you are new to my story, let me fill you in. I had been trying to get pregnant since late 2006. It was almost 2009. I won't go in to all that I had tried to do to get pregnant because that is private. No one has sked me directly and I haven't told people exactly what I went through and for that, I am thankful. It is my business.

Back to the Saturday before Christmas, I was lying in my bed thinking about 2009 and how I didn't get pregnant even with aggressive protocol. My doctor was very disappointed in how I responded to the medication I was taking that month. The first part of the month, I had a wonderful migraine the first two weeks. I awoke every morning to throw up and to down some tylenol 3 and hope that the pain went away before I had to actually get up to go to work. I then ovulated, had some more headaches, and then, like magic, I was feeling great and no headaches. I knew that I had a cyst as big as an orange on my right ovary...but I was frustrated with 2009 and money and time wasted and aggressive protocol that I didn't even know if I thought it was right. I laid in bed and was having my private conversation with God and asked him to please bring my period.. I did not want to take birth control pills to bring it -talk about headaches. I, then asked very selfishly to bring me a baby - I didn't care how. Oh, I was looking at adoption (casually) too.

Finally, my family woke up and we went on with our day and I even forgot about my whole fertility issues - that is what happens when you already have a beautiful son.. you forget sometimes that you are wanting it again. Life is too busy.

Around mid-day, Grant and Daniel was resting. I, on the otherhand, started thinking again. Why hasn't my period started? I was late. I knew the cyst was keeping me from my new fresh cycle. Ugh! Not once did I think I could be pregnant. My doctor did not give me any hope while she took my money (wasted) the last time I saw her. Her last instructions were to call her when my period started.

I kept thinking...I feel so good! My headaches seemed to be really gone - no nagging dull throb either (this is how I mostly function). Then, for some reason, I thought I would waste a pregnancy test. So I did. Instantly, I saw why I felt so good. I was pregnant. I got to go in on December 24th and verify that I was indeed pregnant. But my doctor's warning was "don't get too excited, your lining was way too low around ovulation, I am expecting you to miscarry (In my head, I was thinking why did you take my money and go foward with the cycle then)." Ok, but I knew for Christmas that I had a secret and I was pregnant. It was the best Christmas present ever!

Hold on! It was the best Christmas present ever until this Christmas! I did not miscarry and I have a 4 month old healthy baby to hold this Christmas! Words cannot express how I feel this morning when I knew last year, Saturday before Christmas, I did not allow myself to hope for a baby. This year I have one! Miles happens to be my best present this year. God answered my prayers and he gave me another little boy. I can't even express what a joy he is. He is my little stinky baby (passes gas with the best of them). He will only sleep in the swing. I have to carry him all the time because he doesn't like being put down. I keep trying to take him off his reflux medicine and he starts acting like a newborn again. I went through Postpartum anxiety with him. HE IS SO WORTH IT! I am so thankful that God gave him to me. Not only that, I totally drive my family crazy with my time issues and feeling overwhelmed by my house duties and work all the time. I would not change it for the world.

I just found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with a third. I am thrilled for her. She went through so many infertility issues with her first two children. She got pregnant with this one without even trying. HOW AWESOME! I am so happy that she got to experience a normal beggining to a pregnancy. To my other friends who are dealing with infertilty (esp. of those who keep their secret to themselves - I understand why - I did to for the most part), I hope that 2010 brings you, your miracle and your best present ever. I will pray for you.